My sweet grandma

My grandma duffel passed peacefully away in her sleep yesterday. I know it's sad, but I can't help feeling happy inside for her, to finally be with her husband again. What a precious reunion it must have been.
They told us she usually slept facing the inside of the bed toward where my grandpa would have been sleeping but they found her facing out, like my grandpa came to receive her :) death can be tragic but it is a time where you are forced to think about life and reevaluate your own life. I loved my Grammie, we weren't always the closest but in her later years it was prominent that she wanted to be closer with us. I'm very happy with the relationship I did have with her. I would call her a couple times a month to get some of her delicious recipes that my kalob loved! homey yummy recipes; I actually asked her if she would photo copy them for me for xmas and her response was " I'd rather you have an excuse to call me every week"
She would also call me every time she knew we were traveling, since that's quite often. It was always a short conversation but I knew she loved us, making sure we were safe. A lot of the time she would say she was looking at pictures of us so she was calling to check on us, pictures made her really happy.
The last time we visited, Lincoln actually kissed her once on his own accord, and then again, and then again! three kisses in a row. he must have knew to make them count. Grandma really loved being GG to the great grand babies. She used to send us cards with pencils growing up, I looked forward to it every holiday; the small manilla envelope coming with 7(one for each kid and one for mom) envelopes addressed to each of us individually and we'd fight over which pencil had the best eraser. Lincoln has received a couple, actually his New Years card isn't even opened, it's waiting at my moms.
When I was sitting in grandpas recliner chair next to her in her room last visit, I was thinking how much she must miss grandpa and how I squeeze linc and tell him I love you love you love you, just like my grandpa would have, and I always will because it's my favorite memory of him(besides his handle bar mustache and growly breathing) but I didn't tell her because I didn't want to make her sad. When I got in the car, I said to kalob my thoughts and how I should have told her. It's okay to be sad and it might have been easier for her to know other people miss him still too.
But now she doesn't have to be sad anymore. That makes death more bearable. I'm okay with it.

Scrapping!

I have finally gotten back to one of my addictions! Scrapping. Little Lincoln is such a good baby, and goes down right at 8. he finishes crying before I even leave the room. I mean, what an angel I have, to let me do something just for me!
kalob has been plugging away at school and I can't wait for him to get home every night so I can test my cooking skills on him. I've been making him rate my meals. I haven't repeated any recipes, so I know if he asks for it again, it must be good!
Lincoln is getting quite stubborn, testing limits :) he won't eat unless he's feeding himself, meaning he hardly eats anything and then demands boob. he's in for a rude awakening in about 2 months when I cut him off! I can't believe he's going to be 1 years old! Where did my baby go!? I totally can't believe it. he's teething like crazy. He's got about 5 teeth all coming in at once, so my happy baby is a grumpy guy as of late. maybe after all his chompers are in, he will focus on walking.

Creep mom

So I have been having nightmares. I heard a tragic story about a baby Lincoln's age at Christmas , and I can't seem to shake it. So I feel the need to check on Lincoln while he is sleeping. meaning I never sleep. kinda like when he was newborn all over again. to see if he's breathing, see if he's warm enough, but not too warm, make sure he's not smothered, make sure there are no strings or cords or toys he could get into the crib. All of these terrifying dreams that I keep having wreak havoc on me mentally and make me a crazy person.
I wake up with my heart beating so fast. sometimes I drowsily think he's in bed with us, even when he's not and I'm frantically searching for him. I woke up a couple days ago startled and gasped Jesus! ( which isn't a normal expression for me) so it scared kalob as well, and I didn't even remember the dream.
Linc has learned to back himself off our bed feet first on his belly, as well as push\pull open these old doors if they aren't clicked shut just right. so now, even in the day, I'm terrified, what if he falls off the bed, what if he tries to get in the toilet and drowns, what if he pulls his sock off and puts it in his mouth and chokes? Does The Worrying Ever Stop!?

I do realize I'm being irrational for the most part and that I have more anxiety than the average mom. Someone pass me a Xanax already right? joking but not.
Kalob got a wall camera for Lincoln's bedroom so I can peek in with my phone whenever I feel like I need to. So I don't constantly check on him physically and wake the poor kid up. I feel like I am destined to be the mom who puts their kid on the school bus but then drives behind the bus to school everyday. or insists on being a room mom even when it embarrasses him and he doesn't want me there. I just love him, I can't watch him every second. But I want to :)

It's been a while!

Life is finally settled I think. But not for too long!
we got the exciting news of where we will be going for the summer. New Jersey! At first I was shocked, since we were hoping to stay Midwest. But oh well, it will be just as good, just farther away.
kalob started school again and so far, I think it's going well. linc and I are trying to get a routine going now that his best buddy is at school. lincoln is teething hard core and crying a lot. Poor lil man. One top front tooth is in and he has 3 more that have broken through a little. He seems to enjoy his teeth; he crunches his new favorite food Goldfish crackers. he still won't walk, he has noodle legs when he try to make him. he can even stand up alone and balance but he's kinda stubborn about Not walking!
The newest great thing in my own life-my Crockpot! a family sized one great for ribs and soups and everything in between. my cooking obsession is getting tricky because I'm counting calories right now. I need to anyways, but I'm going to be in my cousin Kim's wedding in may so I have a goal and hopefully will achieve it. Pinterest desserts might get me in trouble though!

Another trip in the books

Sometimes I feel like we are a tiny traveling circus. we are in Vegas again for the night. I have felt so tired of living out of a suitcase this trip.
We are eating at the rio this time. We were very disappointed in the golden nuggets buffet on our way to bako.
some highlights of this trip have been
* celebrating Christmas with lots of friends and family
* visiting Lincoln's BFF in LA and watching them push each other on a lil walker car.
* Lincoln eating a whole pouch of baby food by himself....and then barfing on me. After me telling him how proud I was for eating like a big boy. Oh and I had just washed and dried my hair, so I had to start over.
* Lincoln climbed his way up into the couch, his dad said he looked so pleased with himself.
* this isn't a happy highlight, but a family pet wiener dog Snickers got snatched up and eaten by a wild creature. Coyote or fox or something crazy. Really tragic.
* my cousin got engaged
* we celebrated a couple birthdays, even mine( which isn't til February)
* Lincoln learned to pull out All the wipes. it's a very funny game.
* he has 2 teeth breaking through. one top and one side.
* he's ten months! still 20.5 lbs and 28.75 inches and we just got him his new cowmooflauge carseat!

Happy new year!

well 2012 was my favorite year to date. So we will see if 2013 can top it!
we are in ca right now visiting family. we feel so blessed to have so many people who love us.
We went to buca de beppo for dinner last night for New Year's Eve. if you've never been... it's family style Italian and the bill was going to be around 70 dollars for 6 people. We had bread, apple walnut salad, sausage ziti, and chicken limone. I had a ten dollar off coupon AND i got a raw chicken breast!! so they comped the whole entree, even after everyone else had eaten the chicken! so it turned out the bill was only 30 dollars! I almost felt lucky to get the bad chicken, having made the meal so much cheaper.
Then we went to Farrell's for ice cream. it's a big circus old fashion type place. They are huge on birthdays, they sing and embarrass you and you're supposed to get your ice cream for free. Audrey decided it was my birthday. I was not pleased, but I went along with it so they could have the hullabaloo. they made me stand in front of the whole line outside and they yelled that I was shy, all eyes on me. then they sang happy birthday in a mambo number five style with a bass drum at the table and made me wear a big sticker. the ice cream was very good though it Wasn't free to me( they must have new the truth!)
oh...and they asked how old I was turning and I forgot!! I said 28! she at least sad oh you don't look 28 at all. well good!!, cuz I'm only 26. I'm not a good liar! We ended the night watching Titanic. And I did not forget to kiss my man at the stroke of midnight!
we will be heading home in a couple days because Kalob is starting school!! Hes in the electrical engineering program and our life is going to be so different. linc and I have been so spoiled having him home with us all the time. We are going to miss being with him every second. I guess it's a test run for the summer, when he will be gone 12 hours a day! we are excited to work with a new company, Vivint, and our awesome team. We know this season will be our breakout year!
2013, don't disappoint!