Creep mom

So I have been having nightmares. I heard a tragic story about a baby Lincoln's age at Christmas , and I can't seem to shake it. So I feel the need to check on Lincoln while he is sleeping. meaning I never sleep. kinda like when he was newborn all over again. to see if he's breathing, see if he's warm enough, but not too warm, make sure he's not smothered, make sure there are no strings or cords or toys he could get into the crib. All of these terrifying dreams that I keep having wreak havoc on me mentally and make me a crazy person.
I wake up with my heart beating so fast. sometimes I drowsily think he's in bed with us, even when he's not and I'm frantically searching for him. I woke up a couple days ago startled and gasped Jesus! ( which isn't a normal expression for me) so it scared kalob as well, and I didn't even remember the dream.
Linc has learned to back himself off our bed feet first on his belly, as well as push\pull open these old doors if they aren't clicked shut just right. so now, even in the day, I'm terrified, what if he falls off the bed, what if he tries to get in the toilet and drowns, what if he pulls his sock off and puts it in his mouth and chokes? Does The Worrying Ever Stop!?

I do realize I'm being irrational for the most part and that I have more anxiety than the average mom. Someone pass me a Xanax already right? joking but not.
Kalob got a wall camera for Lincoln's bedroom so I can peek in with my phone whenever I feel like I need to. So I don't constantly check on him physically and wake the poor kid up. I feel like I am destined to be the mom who puts their kid on the school bus but then drives behind the bus to school everyday. or insists on being a room mom even when it embarrasses him and he doesn't want me there. I just love him, I can't watch him every second. But I want to :)